A riddle wrapped in a mystery

Connect the dots is much easier in Russia.

["IN SOVIET RUSSIA" JOKE REDACTED BY ORDER OF GOSKOMIZDAT.]

The #1 mattress of choice for emotionally troubled children

Old institutional bed. Previous owner was a ward of the state. Complete with disconcerting mattress stain that is most likely urorectal in nature. We hope.

The greatest outlet of interdimensional cosmic knowledge the world has ever known - $2.00

A rare and wonderful find. It's not every day that you find a book written by a madman. Well, okay, so it is every day. But it's not every day that you find a book written by a madman who thinks that he's the second coming of Christ.

Also, according to the interior, the future Buddha.

Yeah, I bought it.

Not exactly a prolific writer

God's last book may have been a best seller but I found it slow, preachy, internally inconsistent, full of flat characters, and utterly devoid of plot. Now he's trying to cash in on that Da Vinci Code crap, which is just sad. Five years too late, God. Nobody cares anymore. Try writing more than one book every thirteen billion years, you hack.

Fire Walk With Me

Laura Palmer Barbie, now at Toys-R-Us.

Lllllllllllllladies.

Tasty Salvage

We're having Stove Top... that I found in a ditch next to the Interstate! Only slightly infested with weevils.

From the Repo Man line of fine generic food products. Part of this nutritious, post-apocalyptic breakfast!

The tragedy of failed global drug control policy and border insecurity

This photo was mailed to Federal Police officials by suspected members of the Tijuana cartel. Twenty-four hours later, Dora's backpack was found in an abandoned car on the Mexican-US border. It contained the severed head of Dora's pet monkey, with a live hand grenade in his mouth. Two DEA agents lost their lives.